Living "Green" Despite Migraines

My husband and I try really hard to be as "green" as we can, reducing our carbon footprint. We purchase "green" power from the electricity and gas companies, we compost all of our food and yard waste, I take the bus or walk whenever I can, we don't purchase things with excess packaging and try to not use things like plastic bags, paper towels, or other "one use" items, we take our own bags to the store...the list goes on and on and we really try to be conscious of small things we can do.

BUT having migraines and living in fear of migraines leads me to make conscious decisions to put me before the planet in many circumstances.

First, I can't stand fluorescent light. So all these energy saving, good for the planet light bulbs are out for me. They are a guaranteed ocular migraine and I usually get the full blown pain and aura as well within a few hours of using fluorescent light. Anywhere I go - grocery store, doctor's office, department stores - anywhere that uses these fluorescent lights, I get symptoms of migraines. It really impacts my quality of life. I live in fear of the fluorescent trend as it limits my ability to function and participate in normal activities.

Second, taking the bus isn't always an option for me. One of my daily aliments is that I am extremely motion sensitive and get motion sick at the drop of the hat. It happens even when I am driving myself and exacerbates my migraine symptoms. When I am experiencing a more severe bout of symptoms, I can't take the bus - I just get too sick. And when I feel like I might be on the cusp of severe symptoms, I don't take the bus because I fear starting a severe attack on the bus without the ability to take care of myself.

Third, showers and baths are both saving graces for me. I find water very soothing and often I take more than one shower or a bath every day as therapy for my headaches. I know this isn't good for the planet and also know that many people in the world don't have drinking water. I still fill a tub with clean water to soak in and I consciously make the decision to care for my headache instead of the planet.

The good news...sometimes my migraines make it easier to "live green." Here are some ways that I accidentally live greener:

• I avoid processed/engineered foods and tend to buy locally sourced perishables. Most non-perishable foods I either buy organic from companies that don't use chemicals and are conscious about their impacts to the environment.
• I avoid meat in general because it tends to be a trigger for me.
• We don't purchase much cleaning products - bleach, backing soda and vinegar do wonders around the house. The fumes from cleaning products trigger headaches for me, but I know both the planet and our family benefit from limiting the exposure to chemicals.
• Because of our increased medical expenses for my migraine care, I buy a lot of things second hand (e.g. clothes, household goods, gardening things, decorating items, etc.) So our financial balancing actually is a greener way to buy - who knew?!
• I don't buy plastic bottled water - I can taste something off about the water when I have a migraine - almost like plastic (go figure, huh?!). My family thinks I am crazy when I do drink bottled water because I always say "Can't you taste that? It tastes like plastic!" So I have reusable water bottles and filtered tap water.

So while I can't always be as green as I want because I choose to take care of my headache instead of the planet - we do the best we can. One last thought - I do fear a day when there are no more regular old light bulbs and the world uses compact fluorescent bulbs. I can't live in that world comfortably.

Too many people in one place = #$&!

I love being around people. It energizes me to no end. I love people watching, interacting with new people, hanging out with people I love, anything with people.

Having a migraine constantly has changed this love to sometimes be a fear. I hadn't willingly recognized this change in myself until I went last weekend to the Seattle Shakespeare Company's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream at Volunteer Park (wonderful production - highly recommend - even if you have a migraine). We were gathered around the main stage area, out in the sunshine on a beautiful day right before the play started and I had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. It was really important to me to very instantly know where I could go to get away from the stimulus of all the people, how to get out of the sun, where the car was parked, what the quickest way was to get to the car, etc. All of this anxiousness was centered around my migraine and what I would/could do to take care of myself in case a quick and severe attack hit.

Strange, new feelings. I had them again yesterday when processing through going to the Bite of Seattle this weekend - which is a wonderful event, full of thousands of Pacific Northwesterners, that we love to go to every year.

I wish I could find a recovery med that I could tolerate. If there was a little pill in my purse that I knew would help alleviate my symptoms long enough to get home to where I feel safe - that would help so much. I've heard people blog and talk about how they have a sense of comfort when they have their Maxalt or Immetrix with them. I can totally understand why they say that. It's almost like a "get out of headache free" card in your pocket anytime you need it (maybe not that good, but something like that). Must put this on the list of things to talk to my headache specialist about.

So I guess I need to realize that in living my life, even if it is temporary, I will have to adjust and accommodate this new fear of being away from my home, around groups of people and getting a migraine attack.

Migraine Shame

I think that most people who suffer from chronic migraines have some form of migraine shame. It sneaks up when you tell someone you can't function the way you would like because you have a migraine. It washes over you when you get the skeptical look and half hearted "Okay..." from someone who hasn't ever had a migraine in their life.

Sometimes when my migraine is bad in the morning and I try to suffer through and go one with life, I get asked if I had a wild time the night before. When explaining that I have a headache - I get the blanket advice to not drink so much next time and then my head won't hurt. Even worse - I've been asked if I had a substance problem because of seemingly erratic behavior during my more debilitating migraine pain. Shame.

Back when I was working, there was a day when all the telltale signs that I was about to launch into a doosey of a headache hit and I knew that I had two options - drop everything and get home before I couldn't drive myself anymore or lock myself in a conference room until it was over - who knows how long. I choose to go home, but received feedback a few days later after recovering from a good friend that one of my co-workers made some derogatory comments about me leaving work because of a headache. This person said that must be a woman thing and that is why they didn't like to work with women. Wow. Shame.

Migraine Shame. Hits me sometimes when I least expect it and reminds me how much opportunity there is to educate people about the disabiling effects of migraines on peoples lives.