I love being around people. It energizes me to no end. I love people watching, interacting with new people, hanging out with people I love, anything with people.
Having a migraine constantly has changed this love to sometimes be a fear. I hadn't willingly recognized this change in myself until I went last weekend to the Seattle Shakespeare Company's production of A Midsummer Night's Dream at Volunteer Park (wonderful production - highly recommend - even if you have a migraine). We were gathered around the main stage area, out in the sunshine on a beautiful day right before the play started and I had this overwhelming feeling of anxiety. It was really important to me to very instantly know where I could go to get away from the stimulus of all the people, how to get out of the sun, where the car was parked, what the quickest way was to get to the car, etc. All of this anxiousness was centered around my migraine and what I would/could do to take care of myself in case a quick and severe attack hit.
Strange, new feelings. I had them again yesterday when processing through going to the Bite of Seattle this weekend - which is a wonderful event, full of thousands of Pacific Northwesterners, that we love to go to every year.
I wish I could find a recovery med that I could tolerate. If there was a little pill in my purse that I knew would help alleviate my symptoms long enough to get home to where I feel safe - that would help so much. I've heard people blog and talk about how they have a sense of comfort when they have their Maxalt or Immetrix with them. I can totally understand why they say that. It's almost like a "get out of headache free" card in your pocket anytime you need it (maybe not that good, but something like that). Must put this on the list of things to talk to my headache specialist about.
So I guess I need to realize that in living my life, even if it is temporary, I will have to adjust and accommodate this new fear of being away from my home, around groups of people and getting a migraine attack.
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1 comment:
I appreciate your blog. You talk about all the things I face. This posting about being in fear of being in a room/space with a lot of people is something my friends/family do not understand. But I feel better when I know I can shut myself off and make sure sounds, smells and light can't get to me. This social anxiety is definitely connected to my migraines and I wish more people could understand the fear of being in a situation where you can't drive home or feel pain because someone says hello to you. So thank you for reaching out.
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