I think that most people who suffer from chronic migraines have some form of migraine shame. It sneaks up when you tell someone you can't function the way you would like because you have a migraine. It washes over you when you get the skeptical look and half hearted "Okay..." from someone who hasn't ever had a migraine in their life.
Sometimes when my migraine is bad in the morning and I try to suffer through and go one with life, I get asked if I had a wild time the night before. When explaining that I have a headache - I get the blanket advice to not drink so much next time and then my head won't hurt. Even worse - I've been asked if I had a substance problem because of seemingly erratic behavior during my more debilitating migraine pain. Shame.
Back when I was working, there was a day when all the telltale signs that I was about to launch into a doosey of a headache hit and I knew that I had two options - drop everything and get home before I couldn't drive myself anymore or lock myself in a conference room until it was over - who knows how long. I choose to go home, but received feedback a few days later after recovering from a good friend that one of my co-workers made some derogatory comments about me leaving work because of a headache. This person said that must be a woman thing and that is why they didn't like to work with women. Wow. Shame.
Migraine Shame. Hits me sometimes when I least expect it and reminds me how much opportunity there is to educate people about the disabiling effects of migraines on peoples lives.
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3 comments:
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL!
Thank you for expressing what all of us have felt at some or most of the time. My migraine lasted for nine months before major doses of indocin got it back to just 2-3 days per week. Sweet relief! I just want you to know I feel for you and appreciate what you are doing to help others. My husband recently accused me of shutting out the family to go on a "drug holiday" when I picked up my last prescription. I don't get nearly enough medication to handle my near constant pain and yes, sometimes if feels really good not to hurt. I have felt bad for having migraines before, like I should just "suck it up" but this comment was absolutely humiliating. I am now to embarrassed to admit when it hurts or let anyone know when I am picking up my meds (which I can no longer afford due to not being able to work because of the migraines!). We all want to be "super-woman" and take care of everything but some of us are sidelined by that darn sunlight or the insensitive jerk who bathed in cheap cologne before coming to the grocery store. I really hope you continue to get better.
I have to admit I hate when someone is completely insensitive to how awful these situations are. I have been accused of faking, skipping work/class, being addicted to drugs, and being anti-social. What you have posted says what I want to tell my family, friends and co-workers. But I fear that it would not help, because until you experience it yourself, you cannot understand.
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